At moments like this, one wants to retreat from the world and lose oneself. Should it be playing a mindless game against a computer or should it be facing up to the task of navigating through the smog of life, taking on the responsibility of doing rather than being absent?
"The flight from suffering, from consciousness, from personal responsibility in the face of the immensity of the space we traverse, is understandable; we are all familiar with it. But when we examine the course our life demands, our own nature demands, we commit ourselves to it, then we are obeying the will of the gods, truly. Such obedience may bring little comfort or security, but it will bring a larger life." (Hollis, Mythologems, pp21-22)Yes, at times I want to escape it all, blame others for everything, have others be responsible for everything. Sometimes it is just too heavy. And at times, I just say the hell with it and abdicate all responsibility and do as little as I can get away with for a while. But then, something pulls me back into presence, into doing my part, into being responsible, at least for myself and my small space of the whole. At these times, it isn't as though I have much of a choice, not if I am still to remain a man, a sane man.