Perhaps that is not the only reason that I delay the trip to the inner world of YanCheng. I will only know when I finally make this journey. If the open arches have any relation to the the journey, it will be one that is challenging, psychologically. When is one ever ready for the next stage? Always there is a fear of the creatures one will find that threaten the world as one knows it. What will result from meeting these demons of the inner world? How will I change? Will the change disrupt my life as I know it, the patterns that have now become comfortable?
Perhaps that is the key - life has become comfortable. I have been resting and gathering strength and courage for the next stage of the journey. The words of Hollis find resonance within me:
"Clearly, we live in a culture of great spiritual impoverishment: addictive materialism makes us slaves to surfaces; fundamentalist clamor makes us fearful and anxious; and distracting, banal ideologies diminish rather than enlarge the journey of the soul." (Hollis, Mythologems, p. 8)Ouch! Banality is where I have been finding myself lately. In between teaching and preparing lessons, I fill in as many of the spaces playing cards against the computer with little ambition to do much more than that. I have been thinking of buying another guitar and investing time with a return to playing music. Why? Perhaps as a diversion, as a way to fill in time and avoid doing some real work. I am not sure. And because of this, I sit and wait, holding the tension of waiting, for the pull back into the journey of soul.